Why? Why Do They Have To Wake Up So Early?

When it comes to my kids’s sleep, or sleeplessness, I cry.  They cry.  I bet you have shed a tear about your kids sleep at some point. We were onto such a  good track with Baby Sister – the 8 month old. 7 pm- 7 am. No joke. Thanks to The New Contented Little Baby Book my sister-in-law gave me. Not a peep, if there was, we certainly didn’t hear it. After stupid, dumb, idiotic daylight savings, we may as well have traveled to Australia. now Baby Sister is all over the map. Diarrhea, a really bad rash and teething don’t help. The Boy? Well forget it. He comes into our bed at 3 am ( I think) very stealthily. We used to think it was sweet. We are so over it. Not cute anymore.  So what did I do? Slept on their floor, like a Mama Cojuda – as we say in Peru (loose less vulgar translation: Idiot Mom) to see what the problem was.

This is what I found out. He coughs so hard he wakes himself up. He then needs comfort. Comes to Mommy’s bed.  He also flounders around so much and is so gargantuan (like his dad, God love him) that he falls out of the toddler bed and wakes up. This wakes up his sister. Oh, did I mention they share a room? Does someone have a 3 bedroom they want to give me? Nightmare. Anyway, I made an appointment with pediatrician. Love her; she has saved my life and the kids’ on more than one occasion- to get his lungs checked.  she prescribed meds for a simple bronchial issue. So we will see about him. Will report.

This morning he came to our bed at 5.23 a.m.  we brought him back he cried, she woke up and cried. A cacaphony of wails. Sweet. My husband and I huddled together under our covers like the Blitzkreig was going on outside.  Baby Sister, when her sleep is interrupted, cries like a demonically possessed banshee being tortured- is that enough metaphor for you? And I let her. Oh yes, I am evil.  No comfort boob for her. I have a thick skin now (or do I?) Miraculously, she doesn’t wake him. Does anyone know why this is? Then…silence…they woke up simultaneously again at 6.45. Of course I had stayed up since 5.23 a.m. good times. No really, it was. They were both being so sweet and so cute and giggly with each other, how could I be mad? I was like a momma bear with her cubs reveling in their sweetness.

Thanks for listening. What do you think I should do?  How early did your kids wake up today? Of course as I write this the little angels (can you hear the drops of bitter sarcasm landing on the floor?) are napping. Bless, their little hearts. I am going to wake them up now…heh..heh.heh….and see how they like it.

Learning is Fun!

Yet again, the two little Freaks of Sleep are up before 6 am.  And we are at my parents’ so according to them this is yet another example of how I spoil my kids. Well what do I do when they are up so early turn on the TV of course, thereby spoiling them more.  At least I have a minute to write.

I want to let everyone know what got me through the first 6 weeks of my newborn with my toddler and what gets me through since with early morning rising: Leapfrog videos, Leapfrog Word Whammer, and basically, well anything Leapfrog. I am not one to give free publicity but seriously, these guys make learning fun and I have a baby genius to prove it. Kidding, he is not a baby genius, I just like using that term. Much like I using the term “celebutot” but I really have no need to (yet!). My almost three year old does know how to somewhat read already. I had been meaning to learn more about what they had to offer.  As it turns out, they have a ton of stuff! I am so plugged into the toddler set that anything beyond is mysterious and intimidating (HSM? what’s that? Who is Hannah Montana and why does she have her own toothpase?!)

The folks at Leapfrog sure know their demo- no commercials or magazine ads will do it- we moms are too busy and too inundated. We busy moms WILL  make time, however, for cocktails at the Four Seasons and a personal intorduction to the latest products that will educate and entertain my kids. Three mimosas later, I want to buy Leapsters for my whole family and sign The Boy up for Learning Path (because I need a trusted brand to tell me if my kids are learning, can’ t trust the state….)

My brother and I grew up with my Dad’s catch phrase “Learning IS FUN!” In those days that meant fancy flashcards, colored pencils, or perish the thought, a Speak N’ Spell! Technology of course, has come a long way, and my son’s TAG Reader makes what we used as learning toys look rather neolithic.  I am so glad my kids can play AND learn with beeping/flashing things (you control the volume!) and become literate at the same time instead of becoming zombie like automaton which seems to be the effect of most battery operated toys. But really, what I like best, and who are we kidding, is that I can go on Facebook or nurse the baby, without being pestered. Thanks, Leapfrog!

Well Here We Are

 

If you are dumbfounded, curfuffled,beffuddled,  bemused, bereft etc etc at or by, or whatever the correct preoposition is, your kids’ sleep or lack thereof, stay up next to me.

The Dangerous Alphabet for Parents

As I cannot sleep tonight because of the anxiety produced by my kids being such crappy sleepers (or great stay awakers! if you want to put a positive spin on it) I thought of Neil Gaiman’s delicious and inappropriately sinister alphabet book for kids, entitled The Dangerous Alphabet with eerie illustrations by Gris Grimly. The Boy (4.5), Girl (2.5) and I (30′s) are enthralled by its creepiness and insidious and abstract villains.  As I lie awake, I came up with my own alphabet, perhaps not as delightful but definitely inappropriate and sometimes creepy.  If you are a fellow sleep deprived parent you may appreciate it.

A is for Ambien, I wish you could take

B is for Birth-Control which lack of – you did make

C is for Crazy, to which I’ve been driven

D is for Domestic,  my lot God hath given

E is for everlasting, your cries, deep in the night

F is for fragmented my, thoughts, my sight

G, is for Great love for you depite my

Hatred of early waking

I is for Irrational behavior, oh yes, that’s yours for the taking.

J is for Joking. Which I am not.

K is for Kindness, I try to display

L is for Laughing despite my dismay

M is for, yes, Mother, what else ould I say?

O is for Orphans which you will become if

P for Peter, your father decides we should, indeed, run

Q is for Quandary where you both send us

R is for Rest, what it is, I don’t know

Same goes for S- it is for Sleep, I am told

T is for Tomorrow,  a better day to behold!

U is for universal, which I know this is

V is for Vivacious which you both are, you little bizzatches

W is for Why bother, I love who you are

Y is for You- the gifts to my heart

Z is for Zzzzzzzzzzz , which will give me  a fresh start

Do You Trust Your Three Year Old?

Don’t Trust Your Pre-Schooler:

To wipe his own butt

To babysit his Baby Sister

To help you make the coffee in the morning

To keep a surprise a secret

To not recount embarrassing family situations to strangers

To whisper or tiptoe in the building hallway or when someone is sleeping

To hold onto your active metro card

To maintain personal boundaries on public transportation

To keep interesting, yet socially unacceptable, observations to himself

To help you at the ATM

 

Do Trust Your Pre-Schooler:

 

To wear socks and “ice-skate” around the apartment so your floors get clean

To become engrossed in a movie at night so you can have some time to yourself on FaceBook

To sort the laundry

To tell your parents or in-laws that he really needs new shoes or wants to go to summer camp.

To be so cute as to score free cookies at the corner café

To be so interested in the fire engine and firehouse that you have to spend lots and lots of time talking to firemen

To be a willing accomplice in making a special dinner for Daddy

To potty train his Baby Sister

To say “you are the best mommy in the whole wide world” or spout “I Love you” for no reason

To play monster trucks on your back after a really long day

Baby Sock or Multifunctional Tool?

This is what I think about when I can’t fall back asleep at 4.32 AM after one of them wakes up crying:

 

I don’t usually give advice, well I do. All the time actually. But I hardly ever give household advice. Yikes. If you have been to my house, you would know not to take it. But I am pretty proud of myself with this one. Baby socks. Love them and the little feet they go on, but loosing one sure does piss me off. Also the shoes, but that is a whole other pet peeve that can be filed under Wastes of Money (shoes for a nine month old, not your toddler). Anyway, here are some things you can do with a lonely baby sock. Please tell me if you have other ideas.

 

1. Keep it in your glasses case as a lens cleaner
2. Use as a cell phone, Ipod,  or Camera cover
3. Cut off the foot and use as a pony tail holder
4. Cut off the foot and use as a hipster work out wrist band
5. Keep one in your laptop to wipe the screen.
6. Finger sock puppets. Glue googly eyes or simply pin earrings through as eyes (this saved my life on a road trip- just call me MomGyver)
7. Christmas ornament- decorate with anything Christmas-y
8. Christmas stocking for the pet fish/hamster/mouse that lives in your kitchen
9. Baby rattle- put a little bottle of beans or pills (not ones you need) inside and sew shut. I cannot be held liable for any choking or overdose that can occur when the child is unattended. 
10. A hat for some small doll or toy or the mouse that lives in your kitchen.
11. A baby food jar protector for when you are on the go with jars of baby food.
12. A jewelry bag to store individual items, such as necklaces or the chandelier earrings that will be back in fashion one day.
13. Mittens for the same baby (as long as you don’t mind getting weird looks
14. Store breakable Christmas ornaments. Or anything breakable for my non-Christian friends.
15. Tiny little rags for use around the house (think small, like nail polish removal, pesky crevices when polishing silver, impossible little stains on fabric that need detailed attention and serious scrubbing)
16. If you use condoms or any other birth control -a disguise for said objects (same for a sex toy or anything you don’t want your kid to recognize- but if your kid recognizes sex toys or birth control then I would be worried.)
17. And lastly, you can make a hat, you can make a brooch, you can make a pterodactyl (sorry, I had to, Smee that one was for you).

 

So there you have it—of course, the size and texture of the errant sock will be more useful to certain applications than others. I bet you can get even more creative and think outside of the sock. Yes, I said that. Sorry. Now can anyone tell me what to do with a half dozen singleton baby shoes?